Find me the Willpower

Ok, I know this is my 2nd post in one day, but I really need to jot down what is going on, and hopefully I will gain inspiration, help and encouragement.

Right now, I am craving….

a cigarette!

I know, right, you are ashamed of me

I smoked on and off for many years, many many years.  I used to class myself as a ‘social smoker’  What that means is I was a closet smoker, who only smoked around other smokers, when I was drinking….. Oh the lies!!! The Denial!!!!

Actually, I was a  ’Shed’ smoker, smoking in the shed because I was stressed out!

I smoked around 4 a day, in reality I was 10-15 day.  But as far as everyone was concerned I was a non-smoker!  Only ever smoking away  in my shed, or being social with drunk smokers!

I am a fitness freak dammit!

I run, I go to the gym, I eat healthily, but, these little sticks seem to have a hold over me.

As soon as I say to myself… ‘No More Cigs’ within half an hour I find myself transported to my shed, sparking up!

I have tried patches, give me nightmares,

Tried lozengers, made me feel sick

tried the little puffer things, my mouth felt like I had cotton wool in it.

But, no matter what I try, I need the willpower to go with it.

I need something that will replace, not the habit of smoking, but the hand habit.  Right now, I am really feeling I need to do something with my hands.

Hence why I am subjecting you to my rambling post.

I have stopped smoking before, I have lost count how many times, but within a week I am ready to kill someone and for their safety and mine too, a cigarette will save us all.  I believe the hardest week is the first week and I really want to get past that, I think that’s the longest I have given up for! (Not including my pregnant times, I never ever smoked when I was pregnant, ever!….Mmm, maybe I should stay pregnant!)

I am on day 2, today I am finding it hard, yesterday, easy I stayed in bed as I was too ill to light up.

So, here is my resolution, to quit cigarettes for good, and maybe journaling about it will not only help me, but I could help someone else, and if someone has tips to quit for good, give me the answers…..

or,  just give me willpower

Forgive Me WordPress, for I have sinned…

I was D.R.U.N.K

That is my excuse for not posting yesterday, I know, not a great start to my daily post pledge of 2011, considering, yesterday was the first day of 2011!

I absolutely had no intention to get drunk, my intention was to take in the bells with my family then go to bed…..

I did take the bells in with my family, then, my neighbour came in.  Her husband was looking after their son, so she demanded me go into her house and wish her hubby a Happy New Year.

My hubby stayed at home with the kids, off I went with neighbour, we then heard music from our other neighbours house so we went to wish them the best.  Left at 7:30am

Oh my days!…..It did feel like working a night-shift, bar the alcohol, and the music, and the general hilarity.

I woke up at 5pm, but refused to get up in case my evening happened to reappear in any form.

It was safer to just stay put, I got up today, 2nd of January, very tentatively, still feeling pretty rough! And swearing on my life I will NEVER, EVER, Drink again.

*groan*

My last post of 2010

Going to be short and sweet, 1/1/11 rolls in here just under 4.5hrs, this is actually the very first year we are not going out.  Hogmanay past, the in-laws have taken the kids while we go out with the grown ups.  This year we decided to stay home and have our next door neighbours first foot us.  She has dark hair so hopefully she will bring us good luck so we have a better year than 2010.

Looking back on 2010, we have had our ups and downs, we have had to deal with my husband’s mother battling breast cancer in April, she had a mastectomy in May and finished her last round of Chemo in October.

My husband’s company went into administration in June, but thankfully the business was restarted again.

My furbaby (Molly the Westie), who is 8 had a tumour removed from her eye.

I broke my ankle in August resulting in me withdrawing from my first marathon.

On top of the bad, we have had also had our good.  My son starting school, which has helped bring his confidence out.

My daughter progressing well in her cheerleading and dance class, and hopefully will be attending her first nationals in March.

We also took the kids on their first holiday abroad, to Turkey, in October.

But all in all, we have had a lot of good times, we have a home filled with love and laughter and we are a really strong team.

So, in hindsight, I wont be sorry to see the back of 2010, but looking forward to a happy and healthy 2011.

I wont be making any resolutions, I always find I just set myself up for failure, if I do.  But I am going to relax, oh, and try to blog post daily…*laugh*

May 2011 bring you much joy, happiness, good health and peace.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne!

Happy New year ♥