Ok, I know this is my 2nd post in one day, but I really need to jot down what is going on, and hopefully I will gain inspiration, help and encouragement.
Right now, I am craving….
I know, right, you are ashamed of me
I smoked on and off for many years, many many years. I used to class myself as a ‘social smoker’ What that means is I was a closet smoker, who only smoked around other smokers, when I was drinking….. Oh the lies!!! The Denial!!!!
Actually, I was a ’Shed’ smoker, smoking in the shed because I was stressed out!
I smoked around 4 a day, in reality I was 10-15 day. But as far as everyone was concerned I was a non-smoker! Only ever smoking away in my shed, or being social with drunk smokers!
I am a fitness freak dammit!
I run, I go to the gym, I eat healthily, but, these little sticks seem to have a hold over me.
As soon as I say to myself… ‘No More Cigs’ within half an hour I find myself transported to my shed, sparking up!
I have tried patches, give me nightmares,
Tried lozengers, made me feel sick
tried the little puffer things, my mouth felt like I had cotton wool in it.
But, no matter what I try, I need the willpower to go with it.
I need something that will replace, not the habit of smoking, but the hand habit. Right now, I am really feeling I need to do something with my hands.
Hence why I am subjecting you to my rambling post.
I have stopped smoking before, I have lost count how many times, but within a week I am ready to kill someone and for their safety and mine too, a cigarette will save us all. I believe the hardest week is the first week and I really want to get past that, I think that’s the longest I have given up for! (Not including my pregnant times, I never ever smoked when I was pregnant, ever!….Mmm, maybe I should stay pregnant!)
I am on day 2, today I am finding it hard, yesterday, easy I stayed in bed as I was too ill to light up.
So, here is my resolution, to quit cigarettes for good, and maybe journaling about it will not only help me, but I could help someone else, and if someone has tips to quit for good, give me the answers…..
or, just give me willpower