I’m Not Invincible

…Sadly, I have been brought back into reality.  Having been in remission for at least 2 months (disregarding the odd nip of pain and swelling here and there) where I have managed to live as a normal life as possible.  The pain in my entire body that has actually now rendered me immobile has reminded me that I have a horrible disease.  And its moments like this I really hate hate having this illness, I hate what it is doing to me, and most of all I hate that it tries to take away what is important in my life and that is my sports, my fitness.

I know that I most likely get told of by my fellow ‘spoonies’  as I did push myself out on a cycle ride this morning.  I felt sore in and around my neck and shoulders but thought, ‘what the hell, my legs feel ok’

I was delighted that I managed to get in, just under 10 miles, and for me, without my illness, that is something, as I HATE cycling with a passion! But surprisingly, I did actually enjoy the bike ride, it was a gorgeous day, and I picked a route to cycle that is very historical to my area (herm…Culloden) I even managed to get over my fear of coaches, which there was a lot of as they ferried tourists into the battlefield, to look at, well a big field (Never truly got the whole thing, if the tourist board put something fun up there then yes, but it is literally a field, a big heathery field at that…I digress!)

So, I don’t know whether it was my bike ride that set me over the edge, or, if I have just been lucky with the state of remission I have been in and I should count my lucky stars.  But the selfish side in me is really hoping this is a ‘blip’

It just makes me more determined than ever to get this marathon done, and help Lupus UK raise as much money as possible to research Lupus, and find that cure.  So please consider supporting my quest by donating

Tired legs..

I hated my run today, hated it with a passion, and I am hoping that seasoned runners can help me out here.

I know my problem today is my legs are tired.  I did an intense kickboxing session on Monday night then the 2.10 miles yesterday, and really I know today should have been a rest day when I woke this morning and literally had to roll myself out of bed.  Not to mention, last night I had a bit of a lupus flare in my left arm.

I need to build up stamina, and I NEED to get over my fear of hills….I mean, I live in probably the hilliest part of the world, everywhere I go there is a hill!!!

But I have a genuine reason to my fear of hills….2yrs ago I was out trail running, I had done about 7 miles and I was ready to run up a steep hill as I was half way up the hill I went over my ankle and I heard it pop.  Thinking it was nothing more than a sprain I got home and Iced it.  I kept trying to exercise it and even run on it after a few weeks but the pain was intense.  I discovered I had in fact broken my tibia and fibula.  I had to take a year of running and was in intense physio.

But now I have a serious issue with hills and its ridiculous, I slow my pace down as I approach a hill to prepare myself to sprint up it but as soon as I hit the base of the hill my legs literally freeze.  I have tried coming to them with my eyes shut! But as soon as my legs feel that incline they stop! and its so darn frustrating.

So why on earth did I try a trail run today with eleventy hundred hills! It didn’t help that I was livid at the fact that I realised 5 mins into my run the GPS on my Garmin didn’t pick up.  I suppose the silver lining is London is flat!!

Running with Lupus for Lupus  

Hangs head in shame…..

……..*blows of dust*

Herm…anyone out there, Oh My, I have been naughty (No Mr Grey references!) Time sure disappears so quickly, I can not believe its been May since my last entry. Honestly, I was getting fed up with trolls, and the constant spamming, but thankfully its set up so it doesn’t post directly to my blog, but the troll messages where beginning to irritate them, so hopefully by not feeding them for a while, they would starve and move off or just die!

Anyway, what is going on with me, well back in June I completed the Nairnshire challenge, which consisted of a horrific 12.2 mile hike through the most horrendous terrain, then a 17.7 cycle through the Scottish Countryside, wasnt as bad but the rain was coming ‘down’ in a horizontal fashion (As it does in the Highlands!) making the enjoyable ride not so enjoyable.

I have 2 more races in the pipeline, and this is one of the reasons why I am dusting off the blog.  Firstly, which I signed up for months ago, is the  Baxters Loch Ness 10k, my nemesis, only because last year I ran it, I was in a lot of pain with flares from my lupus and just started medication which hadn’t kicked into my blood stream.  So the 10k was hell on earth, painful and distressing resulting me finishing with a poor 1hr 17mins.  My hopes are to knock that 17mins off my time.

The next one I am signed up for after the Baxters is the biggie and the one I am so so so excited about.

VIRGIN LONDON MARATHON 2013

wohoooooo!!!! I am so beyond excited and nervous about this one! I entered the ballot for my charity Lupus UK, not expecting to be successful, but I, along with my good friend both found out last week we got in.  We need to raise at least £2,000 for them, and I am pretty sure we will do it.  I am starting a sensible training plan which hopefully will prevent injury and also not push myself to far which will result in me flaring.

So, I thought, because of the support of my friends and family that are supporting me, I will dust down my blog and start blogging my training.  And, hopefully inspire other lupus patients to get out there, you dont have to run a marathon, but a brisk walk even, makes you feel tons better, and personally I LOVE sticking a finger up to lupus.

Take today for example, today is day 1 of my training plan, gorgeous day, I am following the London Marathon training plan, and day 1 suggest a 10 min jog and a 10 min run.

Just over 2 miles,  and I am actually happy with that, before Lupus I would have done 3 miles in that time, but instead of beating myself up with it, I am repeating my new mantra…..’I am doing something that some healthy people wont do’

Oh, and we have a JustGiving Page 

Training is a struggle!

So I have started my training, and I have to say its been a struggle.  I retired from running  7 months ago, I ran the Loch Ness 10k last year in the wrong frame of mind, was deflated and depressed after my diagnosis was confirmed, and not to mention I was flaring, and mile 4 just about killed me, the only reason that I kept on was the simple fact I didn’t want to let my kids down, and I hobbled over the line nearly 30mins after my PB.

I decided to run with my puppy, a 10 month old working strain cocker spaniel who likes to stop and sniff everything in his way, which is fabulous for me as he stops me from pushing myself, which I know I would do.  I, by nature, am very competitive.

So the challenge for me is to reign it in…As I said, its been 7 months since I ran, and boy did my legs scream at me.  I felt like a beginner again, walking in parts that were busy, running on quiet stretches, all the while reminding myself what I preached to beginner runners, walk and run, you are doing more than some people are doing..but coming down to the crunch, I could feel the frustration that I could not run the 2 miles solidly.

However, my jelly legs at the front door of my house, although in a complete state of shock that I was running on them again, felt fabulous.  And I have to admit I was slightly emotional.  The reason as to why I am doing it is what will keep me going.

And of course that reason is for raising as much money as possible for Lupus UK, please consider sponsoring my 10k run, which is September 30th link is over there <- to the left

So today, run 1 (after 7 months break)

distance; 1.88 miles

moving time: 23.29 mins

Avg moving pace: 12.28 min/ml

Best Pace; 8:14 mi/ml

As I have said from the beginning, it’s not about times anymore, but the Garmin  watch has to come out with when running, a habit I can’t break

Getting my Run on for Lupus UK

Seems I am going to be back to my regular training for running.  And I have a purpose now.  Last year I ran the Loch Ness Marathon, 10k River Ness just after I received my Lupus diagnosis.  I applied early on the year and signed myself up for my PB time of 57 mins.  Unfortunately,I finished at 1:19 deflated and frustrated.  I ran that race unaware of what Lupus was, but, 4 miles into the race my right knee, which was badly flared, gave up, which really upset me, I ended up limping the last 2 miles, in pain and in tears.  From that point on, I was retiring from racing, never again was I going to run again, it was too painful and upsetting for me.

For me, my sports is what spurs me on, so not being able to continue threw me into a vault of depression.  I still did kickboxing and Taekwondo, my sensei is very supportive and if I am struggling with exercises he alters them for me.  But I really miss running.

I could run round the hall as a warm up, and really wish to myself I was outside.  And it then dawned on me, why can’t I run outside? who says I can’t? Lupus?

I knew what the problem was, I was a runner, I run not walk, but now I  just have to rethink about how I apply myself, I can run and I can walk, the point is, I do have lupus yes, and I am a ‘lupie’ that enjoys physical exercise.   I  am most likely doing something that abled body people don’t do.  The fact is, there will be a day that I can no longer run, but today I can still do it, I am not going to allow Lupus to take it away from me yet.

Last year I said, no more, today I said, oh yes I am and yes I can.  Therefore I have signed up to run the Baxters 10k again, the race that buckled me last year, the last race I did and it devastated me.  This year I am running it with a purpose.

May 10th is World Lupus Day, and that day it is about raising awareness the awareness of Lupus. I have become a member of Lupus UK and have received so much support from the charity and also fellow Lupus patients.  And because of them, I have decided to bring my running shoes out of retirement.  I have never run for charity before, it’s always been about bettering my time, getting that PB.  Of course I would still love a PB, but my personal challenge is to be able to cross the start line and the finish line.

My running shoes are coming out again to help raise funds for Lupus UK to continue to provide the vital support for patients.

If you would like to help, please consider a small donation, thank you.

My fundraising page for LUPUS UK

And I hope you will continue to follow my journey in my training.  I am hopeful that I will be accepted to run for Lupus UK in the 2013 London Marathon.  This is going to be a tough journey for me, so I hope you can join me